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"As a child your thoughts about yourself are formed from the messages you’ve heard and believed from important and influential people in your life."
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Susan Reeve, M. Ed., is a self esteem expert for health and well being as well as a published author. She can commonly be caught speaking at large corporations and events on the subject of self-esteem and confidence and how it can benefit your life, health and business. Ms. Reeve has been in the health and wellness industry for over three decades and has dedicated herself to helping clients build their self-esteem. Here expertise on the subject is matched with her charm and intellect.
Why is self esteem so important for health today?
Simply stated, self esteem is a direct reflection of what you think and how you feel about yourself. It is the foundation of how you experience life. If you have low self-esteem you often feel victimized, isolated, as though you are “not enough.” You are constantly looking for validation about yourself from the outside. For instance in today’s troubled economy with so many people out of work – there are thousands of people whose self esteem has plummeted since their sense of value and worth was base on their professional role. I spoke with a client last week who has been out of work for 6 months and he told me that he will feel good about himself when he has a job – I then asked him what would happen if he lost that job as well – what would happen to his self esteem. People with healthy self-esteem are not defined by the circumstances of their life and their material possessions. They know that their sense of self is truly an inside job. People with low self-esteem are more stressed than those with high self esteem and since stress has a direct impact on our immune systems – this increased stress can have a devastating impact on health, leading people to be more susceptible to illness – physical and emotional as well as addicted to substances in the hopes of alleviating their bad feelings about themselves.
What's the most common reason people have a low self esteem?
It is important to understand how self esteem is formed (I am in a hurry so you have to weed thru this one on terms of how self esteem is formed: Understanding your thought patterns and how the brain works provides a frame of reference for improving your self esteem.
Brain Pathways
 The brain is made up of cells called neurons. These cells have nerve endings called synapses and dendrites. Nerve endings release chemical and electrical stimuli to communicate with each other.
This brain communication forms neural pathways in the brain and is the basis for how the brain works.
When you initially learn something the pathway or connection is weak. The more frequently you think a particular thought the stronger the pathway becomes, forming an automatic habit of thinking. We call this brain training. Now that you understand how the brain works let's take a look at an example: Learning to Ride a Bike
At first you must pay attention to staying balanced, keeping your eyes on the road, holding onto the handlebars and steering in your desired direction. Then the more you practice, the stronger your bicycle riding pathways become.
Eventually you are able to get on your bike and ride without thinking. You're operating on automatic. A strong brain pathway has been created as though new brain software has been uploaded and is seamlessly operating in your mind. Your brain works the same way in forming how you think about yourself. As a child your thoughts about yourself are formed from the messages you’ve heard and believed from important and influential people in your life.  For example, if you were continually made fun of by classmates and not invited to play with them when you were a child, you have probably developed a low self esteem thought pattern regarding friends and social situations. As a result, as an adult, obsessive thinking reflecting these patterns, may automatically surface in social gatherings where you experience anxiety, fear and nervousness based on thoughts like:
- People don’t like me
- I was only invited because they had to
- Nobody’s going to talk to me
- I don’t know what to say
These beliefs are what we call your dominant thought pattern. They operate on automatic, like a habit, and are the thoughts that trigger, consciously or unconsciously your feelings and reactions to the circumstances of your life. The bottom line is that people have beliefs about themselves that they are not enough – smart enough, rich enough, thin enough, handsome enough, etc…..
Wow, that’s a lot of information. Does your self-esteem ever get low?
Absolutely. There are times when I my reaction to a circumstance is such that I feel victimized by the event. For instance one of my tenants recently moved out of my house without letting me know and failed to pay his rent. My initial reaction was to feel victimized by his behavior. But since I have spent decades strengthening my positive self esteem muscle, I immediate call my Self-Esteem-Experts.com partner, Joan Briener – and told her that I was feeling victimized by this situation – she acknowledge what I was feeling and reminded me that I successful and dealing with obstacles and that once I changed my thinking about this situation I would know the next steps to take. It is crucial to remember that it is our reaction and inpretations of situations and circumstance that create our feeling of low or healthy self esteems – and each of us has the capacity to change our thinking and thereby change our experience. A mantra I use frequently is: Things work for me – when I remember this, combined with my goal for a particular situation, I am open to infinite possibilities….and solutions present themselves. It is then up to me to take action and acknowledge my progress along the way.
When did you realize this was your calling?
This became clear to me in college. Each psychology class I took reinforced my thinking that how we feel about ourselves serves as a filter thru which we experience life. In 1976 I wrote a book that I have used as a basis for workshops called I Like Me…During the past 30 years working with thousands of people it has become clear that until we focus on our relationship with ourselves – and truly love ourselves, because we are expressions of the divine – we cannot be happy. This was reinforced for me when I divorced many years ago. From the outside my life looked idyllic –but inside I didn’t like me – so it was quite difficult for me to truly accept the love of others.
What books have your written? Or do you recommend for this topic?
Choose Peace & Happiness, which I wrote and The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Also feel free to read the information at our website and our worksheets and activities on www.Self-Esteem-Experts.com |
